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A Sincere Apology

I heard a story about David Blaine that made me wish I hadn't written that last post.

Here it is:

Mr. Blaine was a student at the Neighborhood Playhouse, a school where The Awkward Toad takes night class in New York. During his time there, he was apparently not very interested in the acting training but he did manage to leave a rather mysterious mark. (I apologize if this is bad writing. I am hungover.)

One night a peer of David's threw a party for his entire acting class, about 15 kids.

During the course of the evening, David Blaine silenced the room, asking the students to sit in front of him in a semicircle.

He took out of his front shirt pocket an imaginary deck of playing cards. Unwrapped the imaginary deck. Shuffled it. Then fanned it out in front of him and asked the students to each pick an imaginary card, picture it in their mind, and put it back in the deck. He then reshuffled the deck. Set it aside. And named each card the students had imagined. 9 of clubs, 6 of diamonds etc...

He then left the party in stunned silence. (This story can be corroborated by a teacher at the Playhouse, who I won't name here, but was present at that night's party.)

So you can say that the levitating in his videos is fake. You can say that the people reacting to his tricks are actors. But there was no reason for the people telling me that story to lie.

The man is a sorceror. And he scares me.

A Salty Salute

It has been brought to our attention that the ABC television network plans to air a two-hour special tonight called “David Blaine: Drowned Alive.”

The Awkward Toad and his staff applaud this effort by ABC to bring quality programming to the mass media.

We, first of all, acknowledge how easy it would have been for the folks at the American Broadcasting Company to go crass with this one. A few of our staffers here are still salivating over the idea of “David Blaine: Burned to a Crisp” or “David Blaine: Guillotined.” We also believe it would have been great fun to watch the pompous magician scream in overwhelming agony as each of his fingers is brutally circumcised (one for each letter in Fiona Apple’s name) in “David Blaine: AHHHHH!.” Think of the ratings!

But, thankfully, ABC has opted to keep this one classy. Drowning, after all, does seem to be a fair compromise. We will still be able to watch Blaine writhe and gasp helplessly as he searches for a pocket of air that we all know isn’t forthcoming, but the water will softly silence his screams of pain and desperate pleas for life. If all goes to plan, his final expiration will look almost as peaceful as a sunset with Blaine collapsing from exhaustion and his lungs slowly filling with water.

A number of us are going down to Columbus Circle (9th Avenue b/n 63rd and 64th Street) to witness Blaine's demise in person. We have a keg of Bud Light and will be picking up a bag of subs from Quizno's on the way. If you are interested, it's $5 dollars all you can eat and all you can drink, plus an extra $10 if you want an official "I watched David Blaine die" t-shirt. Should be good times.

Once again, from all of us here at The Awkward Toad to all of you at ABC, kudos.

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