Thursday, June 08, 2006

Apocalypse



The passing of 6/6/06 didn’t bring the four horsemen but did allow the four major media news networks to avoid covering the Islamic Courts Union’s consolidating control over Mogadishu, (which would have forced them to admit The Inconvenient Truth that the United States government is funding tribal warlords in Somalia) and instead gave them carte blanche to shill for 20th Century Fox’s The Omen (starring Live Schreiber who was brilliant in Glengarry Glen Ross on Broadway but for some reason sucks in movies, Sphere anyone? 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes)



6/6/06 did also bring one other interesting development.

A press release.


From NASCAR.

Stating:

“L. Ron Hubbard’s bestseller Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health has, for 56 years, been a pacesetter for those seeking to get rid of stress and “ignite the potential” of the human mind. And in a year in which it has sparked more grassroots interest than ever before, a Dianetics racing team announced its entrance into one of the world’s most popular sports, joining the NASCAR family.”

Full Press release here:
http://www.irwindalespeedway.com/pressdetail.asp?pressid=843

Driver Kenton Gary says the techniques he learned from Hubbard’s book have improved his concentration and helped him surmount many obstacles in his personal life.

Put in Scientology terms, Gary has submitted himself to the process of auditing, thereby ridding himself of Engrams and Implants to reach the state of Clear, from which he can now work toward the level of Operating Thetan.

No word yet on Gary’s reaction to the revelation that Xenu’s Galactic Confederacy is indeed responsible for clouding the human psyche with harmful Body Thetans. (Am I getting this right? I always lose the strain once I get past the third or fourth Operating Level.)

There has been no official reaction from the redneck community but it is a safe bet that hundreds of hard-working Americans are currently lamenting the loss of their final cultural refuge in a twelve-pack of Miller High Life and a slowly dwindling bag of methamphetamines.

First Blue Collar TV goes off the air and now this!

4 Comments:

At 3:14 AM, Blogger SMangat said...

Blue Collar TV was taken off the air?!

 
At 3:25 AM, Blogger SMangat said...

All the religions and cults should sponsor NASCAR teams and whoever has the most points at the end of the season wins the 'religion of the year' trophy. Every year the trophy would be up for grabs. It would be awesome. I'm copyrighting this idea now. Stamp it.

 
At 9:00 PM, Anonymous Mick said...

Genius Mangat, your first comment makes your second look like gold

 
At 6:36 AM, Anonymous Keith said...

You already know how I feel about this absolute insanity. Long live XENU! I can just see Bubba now (redneck accent:) "Come on, kids, Ma's loadin' up the Winnie an' headin' on over to that Ce-Leb-Bri-Ty center! We gots some CLEARin' to do!"

 

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