Monday, March 06, 2006

"Highlights" from the 2006 Academy Awards on ABC

Alright, I guess this one falls to me…


Jessica Alba (let’s just get this out of the way...)





The inclusion of “The Day After Tomorrow” in the “Social Issues” montage.
(GLOBAL WARMING IS COMING!)

My good friend's father leaving with only this odd photo to show for it.


"Crash" wins Best Picture. (Have you seen Crash? The white guy is only racist because his dad is dying and a pain in the ass to take care of. In the end, he saves the hot black chick from under the burning car, so he can’t be that bad, right? The Persian shopkeeper, he almost kills a little girl because he is cheap.)

A burning car onstage with slow motion dancing in the background and hollow, lifeless singing in the foreground.

Queen Latifah, quite by accident I’m sure, presents an Oscar to Three 6 Mafia. (Stewart after their acceptance speech: “How come they’re the most excited people here tonight?”)

"Memoirs of a Geisha" wins 3 awards despite the fact no one saw it.

Jon Stewart. He is funny. I like him.

Reese Witherspoon "acts" concerned.

Show posts its second worst rating in nearly two decades.

Pearl Jam accepts award by saying “I don’t know what this means. I don’t think this means anything.” (Wait, that was the Grammy’s…)

Fiona Apple accepts award by saying “All of this is bullshit” (Wait…)

Nothing like that happens.

Damn.

4 Comments:

At 3:24 AM, Blogger SMangat said...

what's your friend's dad doing?

 
At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't forget the classic Jon Stewart line: "For those of you keeping score at home -- Martin Scorsese: Zero Oscars. Three Six Mafia: One."

 
At 1:08 PM, Anonymous KEN said...

i think the commenters at my blogspot would have some choice words on the three six mafia's win

 
At 3:01 AM, Blogger SMangat said...

Mcconnell would love the "Day After Tomorrow" bit. It's his favorite movie and it reminds me to never listen to his opinion on movies.

 

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