Monday, January 23, 2006

Movie Openings

Now that December is over and studios have pulled the final dollar off their ageless money tree advertising Oscar hopefuls on buses and cable television stations (How many times have you seen the Munich add in the past three weeks?), not to mention purchasing shameless "For your consideration..." notices in trade magazines, it is time for a new year of artistic fair.

As you may already know, mid-January through early March is a time for studios to dump films that, to put it nicely, didn't live up to executive expectations, hoping to attract an audience simply by capitalizing on the lifeless drudgery of the new year. Executive expectations being what they already are (generally shite), this makes for some pretty crappy cinema.

Let's read what some of our nation's top critics had to say about this week's releases.

TRISTAN & ISOLDE

"James Franco is a gorgeous, smoldering lover in Tristan & Isolde, but you can't help being reminded of Ben Stiller's Zoolander character."
Claudia Puig, USA TODAY

"...If I had to sum up "Tristan & Isolde" for a term paper, I'd say it's like "Braveheart" without the face paint, "Shrek," except the Lord Farquaad character is a sweetheart, and "Freaks and Geeks" because James Franco is so hot, even in Orlando Bloom-y ringlets. I guess I'd also say it's a WB-esque take on an epic Brythonic narrative with possible Pictish roots. And, most important, it's further proof that good product trumps everything , even good jewelry."
Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST

HOODWINKED

"Finally, a Rashomon for the whole family. This cartoon version of "Little Red Riding Hood" tells and retells its story from a variety of perspectives, all of them boring."
Matt Singer, THE VILLAGE VOICE

GLORY ROAD
"Still, it's only just a jump shot or two before Glory Road settles into its rudimentary, music-cued rhythms of classroom civics lessons punctuated by on-court action."

"Remember the Titans? Forget about them! Here's a new Jerry Bruckheimer production that places its secular faith in an almighty audience appetite for underdogs, sports, and dramas in which wrongs are righted by good-looking Americans."
Lisa Schwarzbaum, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY


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